mayakka familypic scaled

Pictures Don’t Lie (Or At Least Mine Didn’t)

I remember so clearly looking at yet another picture of myself and wondering why I looked pregnant. I was NOT pregnant after all. My son was two years old. We had been in survival mode for nearly three years.

First, the scariest day of my life. The day my daughter had her first seizure. Out of nowhere. Followed by the second scariest day, her second seizure, another call to 911 and a subsequent 3 day hospital stay. I thought she was dying in my arms. That anxiety did not leave me. After a year and half of panic anytime she fell asleep, my son began a journey that left me gasping me air. When he turned 9 months old he started throwing up and didn’t stop. Yes, failure to thrive, non stop vomiting, every day for over a year. Doctors appointments, hospital stays, absolute fear and anxiety, every single day. This was our daily struggle for over a year. Then he became an acute asthmatic, severe food allergies, four day rotation diet, blah blah blah.

My point, we were in survival mode. I did not eat. How could I eat if my son could not hold anything down? I fed my daughter and ate what she was eating. Of course if you are a parent or a caretaker you know there are so many day to day details that can not be included in a short email. Each period of time, each hospital stay, doctor visit, night of back to back breathing treatments, is my child breathing night time checks, demonstration to the teacher on how to inject the seizure medication, could be a story in and of itself. INHALE. Geez, just writing this up I realized I was not breathing.

My point is this. In 2007 every picture I took reflected the out of shape, insecure, scared person I was. I did not like my body and I was living in fear, every day.

I am so grateful for the first step I took. It is not the same path I am on today. Today I am ten years older and healthier than ever before. I own a gym. I coach people on how to move well, eat well, and be well. It was not always this way for me. BUT I took a first step. I started writing down what I was eating even though I didn’t know what I SHOULD be eating. Eventually I tried spinning classes. Then running some 5ks. Then mountain biking. Then CrossFit. Then began eating Paleo. Then coaching. Then in 2014, opening FitCity. It has been a journey. Every step of the way I have failed. I have set goals for myself that I have not accomplished. BUT I have also set goals for myself that I have crushed. I have achieved far more than I would have imagined looking at that “final straw” picture. I have become a confident, strong person who continues to try to live life without fear of failing.

Here’s my message…do something different today. Tired of feeling (fill in your blank) depressed, scared, fat, skinny, weak, out of shape, old? Do you live in pain, in fear, in constant state of rush? Tired of setting a goal and failing? As Ryan Holiday says in his book The Obstacle Is The Way (amazing book, highly recommend it!), “failure shows us the way by showing us what isn’t the way.” If you are doing the same thing and getting the same unwanted results, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! “It is time you understand the world is telling you something with each failure. It’s feedback, giving you precise instruction on how to improve….It is trying to teach you something. Listen.”